How to Approach and Support Individuals with Eating Disorders

Approaching a loved one, friend, colleague or client who you feel has a suspecting struggle with food or their bodies can be a sensitive touch point. Yes, we know all too well, you are just trying to help because you love and care for them right?

Often, if we don’t have the lived experience of an eating disorder, attempting to reach out to someone with out the knowledge and understanding of where their thought pattern is going, can lead so some pretty sticky situations.

When I was struggling with Bulimia, my external network outside of my immediate support group, would try their best to ‘help’. Though it looked a little something like this…

“Well just eat it… It’s a waste of food” Or…

“You’re not going to get fat from one meal, just eat it” Or…

“Well if you don’t like it, just say so” The dialogue continues…

Whilst food and body image comes easy to some and giving less of a *** is in some people second nature. This doesn’t mean it is as easy as “well if you just… insert overly annoying phrase about how I should just eat it or just like my body because I’m beautiful blah blah blah”… It doesn’t work like that.

Here are some phrases to avoid and why they should be omitted from your conversations with someone struggling with an eating disorder:

1.  "I think you have an eating disorder."

   - Why Not to Say It: Making a direct accusation can be confrontational and defensive. It's important to approach the topic with sensitivity and empathy rather than judgment.

2.  "You need to get better."

   - Why Not to Say It: This can come across as directive and dismissive of the person's autonomy and readiness for recovery.

3.  "I've been researching eating disorders, and I think you should try this treatment."

   - Why Not to Say It: While well-intentioned, offering unsolicited treatment advice can be overwhelming and make the person feel pressured.

4.  "Why can't you just stop doing that?"

   - Why Not to Say It: This statement oversimplifies the complexity of eating disorders and can make the person feel blamed or inadequate.

5.  "You're hurting yourself and everyone around you."

   - Why Not to Say It: Guilt-tripping someone with an eating disorder can exacerbate their emotional distress and defensive response.

6.  "Can't you see how this is affecting us?"

   - Why Not to Say It: While it's valid to express concern, making it about your feelings may inadvertently shift the focus away from their well-being.

7.  "You're just seeking attention."

   - Why Not to Say It: Accusing someone of seeking attention can be stigmatizing and dismissive of their genuine struggles.

8.  "I knew someone who had an eating disorder, and they recovered quickly."

   - Why Not to Say It: Comparing their situation to someone else's recovery can be discouraging and invalidating.

9.  "Just eat normally, and you'll be fine."

   - Why Not to Say It: Encouraging someone to "just eat normally" trivializes the challenges they face and doesn't offer practical guidance.

10.  "I can't believe you're doing this to yourself."

    - Why Not to Say It: This statement can increase feelings of shame and guilt, which are already common in individuals with eating disorders.

Instead of these potentially harmful phrases, focus on empathetic, non-judgmental, and supportive communication. Express your concern, offer assistance, and encourage them to seek professional help when they're ready. Remember that your role is to provide emotional support and understanding, not to provide treatment or impose solutions.

So, here are some potential phrases you could use, to approach your loved one, support them, and work your way into a potential conversation to open up about what they might be dealing with.

Approaching the Conversation:

1.  "I've noticed that you seem to be going through a tough time lately, and I'm here if you ever want to talk."  - Expresses concern without judgment and offers a safe space for dialogue.

2.  "I care about you, and I'm here to support you through whatever you're going through."  - Emphasizes your genuine concern and willingness to help.

3.  "I've read about eating disorders and understand they can be challenging. If you ever want to share your thoughts or feelings, I'm here to listen."  - Demonstrates empathy and acknowledges the difficulty of their situation.

4.  "I want to understand how you're feeling. Can we talk about it when you're ready?"  - Encourages open communication while respecting their pace.

5.  "I've noticed some changes, and I'm concerned about your well-being. Would you be comfortable sharing what's been on your mind?"  - Acknowledges observed changes without making assumptions and shows interest in their perspective.

 Offering Support:

6.  "Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to seek help when you're ready."  - Validates their emotions and encourages them to consider professional support.

7.  "I'm here to help you find the right resources and support for your recovery journey."  - Offers assistance in connecting them with appropriate help.

8.  "Remember, you don't have to face this alone. We can navigate this together."  - Reinforces that they have a support system and you're there to assist.

9.  "Let's focus on your well-being and what steps you're comfortable taking toward recovery."  - Shifts the conversation toward their health and collaborative progress.

10.  "I believe in your strength and resilience. When you're ready, I know you can take steps toward healing."  - Instills confidence and optimism about their potential for recovery.

11.  "Your privacy is important to me, and anything you share will remain confidential."  - Reassures them that their trust will be respected.

12.  "I'm proud of your willingness to discuss this with me. That takes courage."  - Acknowledges their bravery in opening up.

 Maintaining Support:

13.  "I'm here for you, whether it's a good day or a challenging one."  - Reminds them of your ongoing support regardless of their mood or progress.

14.  "Let's check in regularly to see how you're feeling and if there's anything you'd like to discuss."  - Establishes a pattern of open communication.

15.  "Remember that recovery is a journey, and I'm here to support you every step of the way."  - Reinforces your long-term commitment to their well-being.

Using these supportive phrases can create a caring and non-judgmental atmosphere, fostering trust and encouraging individuals with eating disorders to seek help and share their experiences when they feel comfortable doing so.

As always, if you need advice, support as to how to reach out to someone, or feeling suck. A discovery call with the team is one button click away from seeking the advice you need.